Boy or girl? It seems to be so simple and obvious to answer it. It is just to identify myself with one of the two genders. Right? Well, obviously I am a Girl.


Oh, poor little naive girl!


Now I have to play with Barbie, wear pink dresses, make myself lovely hairstyles and be sweet and gentle, and so on. Once I define myself the society starts to expect things from me – obvious one, of course. Just to act like a girl and do girly stuffs.

Yes, it already sounds a bit like a Freak show.


I have no idea how small I was, but I had not learned the names of the colours yet. And this short conversation is one of my earliest memories:

My mother and I walking:

  • Mom, what was my favourite colour?
  • How should I know your favourite colour?
  • Oh, come on! You know it, it is the colour of the sky.
  • What, blue?
  • Yes! Yes, it is BLUE! (It was difficult to remember the word and this was not one-time conversation.)

Years later I had an argument with my parents about that I do not want my room painted with pink dots. And I did not understand back then why they got so frustrated about me not enjoying pink colour, but blue. It took me a few more years to learn that when you have a boy you ‘have to’ paint his room in blue and when you have a girl – in pink.

And I am obviously a girl, remember?



Then it was my first Christmas at the Nursery school, I must had been about 4 years old. I had to tell the teacher what I want from Santa Claus so she can write a letter for me (or more accurately, to give this wanted presents list to the parents).

And I wanted a TIP LORRY, yes – a big tip lorry so I can sit on and ride it.

Surprisingly, I get it!

(I guess it was hard to convince a little girl that Santa does not make this.) And I was more than happy – my present was bigger than me and I was not able to lift it myself but it was all I wanted.

The rest of the girls received dolls. And their dolls looked the same and I (the tip lorry owner) wondered how all of the girls wanted the same toy and how one can be satisfied with a doll… just a doll (again, I had a tip lorry which seemed to be much more fun). I also use to play with teddy bears as a child but never liked dolls – they were so boring and they were loosing arms and legs all the time.


Exactly the same as mine

And it is confusing to be expected to like certain things based on your gender. I already claimed that I cannot pack myself in ‘obvious’ expectations. When I graduated from High school my dad wanted to buy me a dress, a beautiful one so I could feel special. And at that time I was saving money for driving lessons.

We had this talk why he is willing to spend a huge amount of money for a fancy dress I will wear one night only when with the same amount of money, I can pay for my driving lessons (which will be more valuable skill for the rest of my life) and buy a casual dress. All I want to tell is that I did not win.

So yes, I am a girl obviously…

A girl who cut her own hair, because for me hairstylist’s and manicurist’s experiences are like dentist’ experience – scary, plus that I am usually not happy with the result. Also I do not imagine I am a princess and I do not dream about big white wedding. And when I had my first tattoo, some people said to me: ‘What a shame! Only prisoners have tattoos.’

Not so girly, right?



‘It’s a GIRL!’ they said when I was born. Okay, that is fine for me.

‘It was a REBEL’ they may consider to write down on my gravestone. Because I do not thing to knock my life under labelling, stereotypes and social myths.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s